Connecting during COVID-19: Quality over Quantity!

Want to connect with your grandchild during the COVID-19 crisis but aren't sure how? Here are some ideas to help get you started …

Phone calls:

Ever feel like your phone call to your grandchild seems more like an interview than a conversation? When children are inexperienced with phone calls, the caller (you!) may find yourself asking question after question trying to help fill the air and find a way to engage the child. If this sounds like your experience, here are some things that might help:

First, let's understand why this happens. Children with autism experience difficulties with language, particularly in their understanding of what someone else is saying and in their ability to stay on topic and maintain a conversation. For those of us without autism, we use context cues, tone of voice, expressions, and analytical thinking to understand what people are saying. In fact, we often INFER meaning in conversation. For children with autism this is much harder as they struggle specifically in this area. For children who are nonverbal, this is further complicated because they may use a language device, sign language, or other means to communicate that you may not know how to use as well. However, for all of these children, there is a way for you to communicate effectively at a distance.

Back to the how...

Good old phone calls with audio-only could work, but may be more challenging for children with autism. Because of their difficulty understanding language, the ability to see your face on Facetime or Zoom/Skype gives them added information to rely on when interacting with you. Consider using Facetime or a similar application when making your phone call. If you need help with how to use these tools, here are some links to guide you:

Facetime: https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT204380

Zoom: https://support.zoom.us/hc/en-us/articles/206618765-Zoom-Video-Tutorials

Skype: https://support.skype.com/en/faq/FA11098/how-do-i-get-started-with-skype

Now let’s do it!

First, let’s identify what you are going to talk about as we want to avoid the uncomfortable interview that can happen. Again, keep in mind that random conversations are harder for children with autism. Instead, it is best to have an interaction that is familiar, easy, and with clear expectations. To do that, think of an activity-based call. Does the child like books? Like pictures? Like videos? Think about something the child really likes and center your phone call around that. It will help the child (and you) to have a targeted goal for the conversation and to work to meet that goal. Also, keep in mind that this phone call is going to be short. The first few calls should focus on having a successful, meaningful interaction. I say QUALITY over QUANTITY when it comes to thinking about how long the call should be. I can share an example of a grandmother “Nana” talking to her grandson. In this example, she made a Facetime call to read a favorite story. She already knew that this story was his favorite and she took time at the beginning of the call to explain her plan to read it. He shared his excitement to hear the book. The call was short and sweet! They connected, had a good interaction, and both left feeling positive about the experience. Next time Nana wants to call, she can think about expanding her interaction even more!

Enjoy your call!

Easy Activity for Home-Schooling

COVID-19 is giving all of us who spend time with our grandchildren an opportunity to participate in home schooling. I spend a lot of time with my 4-year-old granddaughter Angelina, and I’m continually looking for homeschooling activities that are productive and that hold her attention. The website www.teacherspayteachers.com isn’t focused on persons with autism, but it does provide links to activities and exercises that are great for Angelina.

One that is easy and inexpensive is one that I call “Wet Pom Poms.” I bought all of the required materials at Wal-Mart for just under $15 – but many households will already have some of the materials on hand.

Here’s the list:

• 2 small bags of multi-size, multi-color pom poms

• 3 plastic bowls of different sizes

• 3 plastic ladles and/or measuring cups of different sizes

• 1 plastic shoe-storage bin

The set-up is easy. Put the 3 plastic bowls into the plastic storage bin. Put the pom poms and some water into the largest bowl. Then give your grandchild the ladles/cups and watch what happens.

Angelina begins by spending time scooping pom poms back and forth from bowl to bowl. This helps develop her hand/eye coordination, manual dexterity, and concentration. Later she starts using her hands to scoop the pom poms and she discovers several things including how to squeeze the water out of them. 

Eventually, I begin an interactive dialogue that can take any of several directions. For example, I may say, “Angelina, the mommy white pom pom wants to swim in the small bowl.” And my hope (usually fulfilled) is that she’ll find a large white pom pom and scoop it into the small bowl. Then I may say, “Now the baby white pom pom wants to swim with her mommy.” And she’ll find and scoop a tiny white pom pom. You get the idea.

Or I may say something like, “The yellow baby pom pom wants to be friends with the baby purple pom pom,” and I’ll watch to see whether she finds and scoops them together. And I may say something like, “Hello baby purple pom pom. Would you like to go swimming with me?” And hopefully Angelina will scoop both into the bowl that has the water and pretend to talk in the voice of one of them.

Each time I do this exercise with Angelina I think of more variations. One of my favorites is, “Oh no! There is a shark in the water! Everybody get out of the water!!!” 

Again, the best two things about this activity – at least in Angelina’s case – is that it is educationally productive and it keeps her attention for longer than 3 or 4 minutes (up to 30 minutes in her case). 

Kathy’s Story

I suspected Ethan’s autism at an early age, around 6 months. He was very attached to me, smiled at me, made eye contact with me, and responded well to my prompts and invitations to play. We had a strong connection and he was easily calmed and comforted in my arms. However, it was easy to see from my point of view that he was not connected to others. When I passed him to his father, my mother, or anyone else, he seemed to barely notice that he was in someone else’s arms. It became increasingly clear that the world around him was small and contained. Fortunately or unfortunately (I can see it both ways) autism is what I did (and still do) for a living. Since the late 90’s I had been working in the field as a therapist, teacher, supervisor and now a Director of the most reputable autism program in the state, The Faison Center. I already knew autism and sadly what I knew was that there wasn’t much guidance on what to do when it was suspected at such an early age. I turned to my own mentors in NY and began to carefully construct a treatment plan at home while hoping that somewhere, somehow I was wrong about what I was seeing. 

As the months passed, we also learned that Ethan was iron deficient and his chronic ear infections were necessitating ear tubes. Following his tubes near his first birthday and steady doses of iron, we began to notice that he was paying a bit more attention to the world around him, but the alarms were still sounding. At 16 months, on faith and in partnership with colleagues, we started an early intervention program at The Faison Center. Ethan began getting ABA services there for short amounts of time, given his age, while spending the remainder of his time at a Montessori program. It wasn’t until he was 18 months old that he was finally diagnosed (due to long wait lists) and then the rest of what we needed to do unfolded. It was risky to do something so new by developing an early intervention program with Ethan and other students his age but as with everything we do a The Faison Center, it was a success and Ethan progressed significantly. Fast forward, Ethan is now attending a non-special education school with some supports and is flourishing. He is 8 years old now, has several meaningful friendships, loves to read and write (and has written many humorous books we regularly read at night), enjoys Taekwondo, swims and plays the piano. He is described by others as silly, kind, and energetic. Every day I am moved by his care in others and his quick wit. I can easily recall how I felt 7 years ago having no idea where this path was going to lead us. And now, I see Ethan as a truly remarkable kid. We are not without our challenges. His disability makes him more vulnerable compared to his peers. However, every day is a better day and with every new joke he writes, we all smile and remind ourselves how thankful we are.