5 Articles Helpful to Autism Grandparents

Following are five articles that provide information that can be both instructive and helpful for autism grandparents. Each article has a different theme, and each is on a different website. I’ve included an excerpt from each article.

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Being a Grandparent to a Child with Autism

– Marcus Center for Autism

Here’s an excerpt:

“While a parent takes your grandchild with autism to a therapy appointment or attends a school meeting, you may want to offer to stay with any siblings. You can provide sibling support by helping with homework, attending recitals, or going to school programs and after school activities with your typical grandchildren to give them special recognition and time when mom or dad aren’t available.”

Read the full article here.

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30 Things Parents of Children on the Autism Spectrum Want You to Know

- Grandparent Autism Network (an organization that serves Orange County, California)

Here’s an excerpt:

Please let my child play with your child. There is no need to tag us in every Facebook article about autism. We can’t just “get a babysitter.” I’m not an autism expert.

Read the full article here.

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10 Ways to Make a Difference for Your Autistic Grandchild”

- Autism Awareness Centre, Inc.

Here’s an excerpt:

Gift certificates for movies, dinner, spa, and fitness clubs are a way to “force” a parent to take time for him or her self.

Read the full article here.

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Grandparents Have Feelings Too!

- Center for Autism Research

Here’s an excerpt:

Grandparents my struggle to understand information presented to them about their precious grandchildren. Many times grandparents, in an effort to be positive and lighten the mood, or wish this all away, will make remarks such as: “She doesn’t look autistic,” or “I don’t know what you are talking about – she is just like you were when you were her age.” Remarks of this nature can be very painful to the adult children raising their recently diagnosed child. It makes the parents feel isolated and alone in their journey, without the support of their parents.

Read the full article here.

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5 Ways to Connect With an Autistic Child When You’re Apart”

- Every Star Is Different

Here’s an excerpt:

At first Sunshine really struggled with phone conversations with us. She’s never liked talking on the phone and hadn’t had much practice before residential. Thankfully I came up with a schedule of sorts for our conversations a couple weeks ago. Understanding the sequence of the conversation, when they begin and when they end is incredibly helpful for autistic kiddos. Turn taking is also a great way to help with difficulties with communication. 1. We say our nightly hellos. Usually Sunshine has something she wants to tell me right away. 2. I ask Sunshine three questions. 3. Sunshine asks me three questions. 4. We blow loud kisses over the phone and say “I love you.” 5. My husband then reads Sunshine a scripture story and bedtime story over the phone.

Read the full article here.

Slow and steady wins the race …

As the Covid-19 restrictions begin to lessen, I’m sure we’ve all been thinking about the fun things we are going to do as soon as we can get back out into the community!

As I’ve been making my list of places I plan on visiting, it got me thinking about how much some children with autism struggle to go out in the community, with or without a world pandemic hovering around. This actually makes a lot of sense when you think about how some children with autism struggle to use and understand language coupled with the fact that many have limited interests.

The language issue can impact both what the child understands around them and also how they communicate their needs and interests to others. When we leave our house, we often don’t just grab our keys and run out. We usually have a conversation often well in advance about where we need to go, why we are going there, and when we should go. Again, if I am a child with autism and I have difficulty with language, I might miss all of these important planning steps. Then, while I’m happily playing with a favorite item, someone comes up to me and says, “time to go.” WHAT? You can imagine how confusing and potentially upsetting this might be. Additionally, I might have some places I really want to go…and want to go often. However, it might be that my siblings and those around me may not want to go to those places as often as I do. For example, let’s say I really want to go to the park and would happily go every day of the week. However, my family tires of the park pretty quickly. So in both cases, going when I don’t want to and wanting to only go to certain places, can both cause challenges. So it’s not surprising if your grandchild has difficulty going with you to new places.

So what can you do? As the title suggests, autism grandparents CAN work on this as long as they take small steps. If you have a favorite place you would like to take your grandchild or if you need to run the occasional errand while providing care, here are some steps you can take to work up to a successful trip.

First, planning:

First, it might help to hone in on one or two places as a starting point. It will be important to choose a place that either has few restrictions (such as a park) or a place where you have a relationship with the owner or staff. If you know the owner of a restaurant or store that you would like to teach your grandchild to go to with you, you can reach out to them and let them know that you are trying to help your grandchild have a successful visit there. You can ask about their “slow” times and mention that the child might be most comfortable if he can have his IPAD with him or bring some snacks of his own. In most cases, owners will be agreeable to this and supportive of what you are trying to accomplish and it will ease your stress knowing that you have their support. By going to your family’s favorite restaurant a few times at non-peak hours, this will help the grandchild and all of you to practice how to have a successful trip and more importantly, to enjoy it without too much stress.

Next, preparation:

Next, you want to find a way to communicate this upcoming trip to your grandchild. This will depend largely on the communication needs of the child. If he/she uses language fairly well, having a conversation about it may be fine. If not, you can use pictures in line with the communication the child uses (do they use sign language, picture communication or maybe a voice-output device?). You can find pictures of your destination online through a simple Google search. You can show the picture to the child while explaining where you are going and what you will be doing there. For example, while showing a picture of your favorite local restaurant, you could say, “This is Antonio’s Pizzeria. We will go there for lunch today. First we can finish playing with toys here at the house, then we will go to Antonio’s Pizzeria.” It can also help to talk to their parents as they or the school likely use strategies such as these to help kiddos with limited communication.

Now, what about Covid-19? You will have to think about how to help your grandchild understand these new restrictions. Here is a great website with links on videos and social stories to help your grandchild understand more about the pandemic restrictions.

https://www.autismresourcecentral.org/social-stories-for-young-and-old-on-covid-19/

Last, strategy:

As always, use a LOT of praise during this experience to help reinforce all of the great behavior your grandchild is showing. As you take your first initial trips, start small. It will be better to plan a short trip rather than a full day at the mall, for example. Also, pick something you think has the potential of being enjoyable.

Keep in mind, slow and steady wins the race! Keep your focus targeted and look for small wins. Try to leave the location on a good, positive note. As you continue to venture out, you will start to stay at your destination for longer and longer periods of time. It will help your grandchild tremendously to build up to this point.

The following useful link from Autism Speaks will help you learn more about how to venture into the community safely and prepared.

https://www.autismspeaks.org/going-out-eat?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI6LHD7Kqx6QIV2IVaBR0MgAY3EAAYASAAEgJmM_D_BwE

Above all else, have fun!

Stacking the Cards to Ensure Your Grandchild has a Great Visit in your Home By Kathy Matthews

Having family visit is an exciting time! As a grandparent of a child with autism, you may have some concern about how to ensure that your grandchild’s visit is enjoyable for him or her. Most importantly, planning is everything! It will be helpful to think about the following ahead of the visit (many of these tips apply to just about any kiddo, not necessarily just to a kiddo with autism).

Things to have in the house:

Take a peak around your house…do you have some kid-friendly things like legos, coloring sheets/crayons, children's books, or most importantly, do you have things you know your grandchild likes? If not, it would be helpful to get those things. It is helpful to do this because it associates your house with things the child already has an interest in. Transitions can be challenging for some children with autism, often because they do not have the comfort of their routines and belongings in their own home. When they come to your home, you have the opportunity to set up new routines and to provide new experiences. By having some toys to play with and some familiar items already there, it will help create the expectation that this is a place where one can play and enjoy their time. If you aren’t sure what to get, you will need to ask your child. It will likely mean a lot to the parent that you are asking them and showing an interest in making your grandchild as comfortable as possible in your home. A simple, “I am creating a little toy shelf in the den and would love to put some of Ethan’s favorite things there. What does he like these days?” will go a long way. 

Schedule of activities:

So now that your grandchild is coming over, what will you all plan to do? It can help so much to have an idea of the itinerary in advance, when possible. Certainly we want all children to learn to be flexible, but if you can, it is great to think of what activities you might do in advance. Even if you plan to have a casual day, you could make a plan that describes how you will play until lunch time, then eat lunch, and then spend time in the backyard. That kind of information can go a long way for someone with autism. As mentioned above, transitions can be tough. And as mentioned in other blogs, the language issues associated with autism can interfere with the child’s ability to understand and accept what is going to be happening. Therefore, making a schedule, even if it is a loose schedule, can be shared with the child in advance of the visit to help them prepare for what lies ahead. 

Expectations: 

House rules are great! We all have them and for good reason. We have to be careful and rules help ensure everyone’s safety and well being. However, homes aren’t the kinds of places where you normally see a list of rules posted, right? Well this can make it tough on our kiddos with autism. Take this example. If I run through my grandfather’s vegetable garden and he gets mad…I can assume and INFER that there is a rule to NOT run in the vegetable garden. This rule may not have been posted or told to me, but based on my grandfather’s negative reaction, I can infer that this is a rule. This can be super hard for our kiddos with autism. Therefore, setting expectations, going over rules, being explicit about rules (and with all children, not just the kiddo with autism) can help tremendously. Mom and Dad can even go over the rules before coming over to ensure greater success. 

Praise:

With all of the above, it is helpful to let children know when they are doing the right thing. A simple, “thank you so much for keeping your shoes off inside, that rule is important to me” can help express to the child that he/she is meeting expectations. It may seem strange at first to praise a child for doing what seems like a basic task, but research shows that children (kiddos with and without autism) benefit tremendously from regular praise to reinforce their positive actions.